School friend

1 day I was in history (with a renowned dragon of a teacher) sitting next to my best mate. I was just out of hospital mentioned before, with crutches & leg in plaster so was allowed out 5 mins early to get down the stairs before the seething herd.

This one day my best friend KEEPS on releasing God awful silent farts while his guts keep rumbling LOUDLY like a school of whales. I kept berating him for the stench every 5 minutes.

I'm allowed to go, leave my things on the desk for him to bring and start hop-a-hopping down the steps. I get about 5 steps down when I clearly hear a MASSIVE ripping FART from the room and a chorus of "UUUUUURGGGGGHHHH!" (some people claim the windows rattled).

Said friend RUSHES past me, briefly stopping to say "I've been sick!". "No shit" I think as he has chunks plus liquid on his chin which weren't usually there. He rushes off in panic to the nearest loo.

Apparently he just stood up, involuntarily let loose a fantastic ripper, vomited all over the desks and shat himself LOL! (Well, not sure if he actually shat through to the public side of his trousers, but it sounds good, right? ;-) )

Other mean friends were not helpful in retrieving my things on account of them now being under a thin layer of instant soup substitute. I had spaghetti bolgnese for dinner that day which was somehow not as enticing as normal.